Police Beat #22

Yay for Fridays!
(I almost forgot it was a Friday, to be honest. All of these holidays have got me a little confused as to which day of the week it really is.)

Sept. 30: A group of three student lacrosse players and two runners got into a fight at the track near Helaman Halls when one of the lacrosse players told the runners to put on a shirt. The students began yelling and then physically fighting. An officer issued citations for assault to two individuals.

Sept. 30: Female students in Helaman Halls complained about a man in a gorilla suit attempting to scare students near the Cannon Center. When police arrived, there was no sign of either the complainant or the gorilla. Students complained again early Oct. 3 about a man in a gorilla mask. The gorilla has not yet been identified.

(Comment: Maybe they could catch the gorilla by leaving a trap with bananas near the Cannon Center.)

Sept. 30: A male student was reported missing by his wife after he did not return from checking his mail. He returned roughly an hour and a half later and said that he had decided to go for a walk while he was out.

(Comment: Does the husband own a gorilla mask?)

Oct. 2: Police responded to vandalism in Wymount Terrace. Slogans such as "I like beer" and "I like Bud Light" were written with permanent marker on some of the doors, causing damage to the buildings. Police currently have no suspects.

(Comment: Don't be fooled by these hoodlums. The fact that the slogans were spelled correctly says they were written by sober, not drunk, vandals.)

Oct. 3: A resident in Wymount Terrace reported a suspicious male looking around the quad. When police arrived, the man explained he was staying with his brother. He had gone jogging and forgot where his brother lived when he returned. The officer gave the man a ride to the correct apartment.

Oct. 4: A dry ice bomb exploded near building 30 of Wyview Park late at night. Police found no suspects.